Being stuck is a choice...
"What"? I hear you say, "I didn't choose this, nobody chooses to be stuck, you're kidding!"
Bear with me for a while whilst I explain. You may not have woken up one day and decided today is the day I'm going to start feeling stuck in life, today is the day when I will begin to tread water and life will feel like Groundhog Day. You may not have chosen to live a life of quiet desperation with the all too common phrase "there must be more to life than this" echoing around your mind. So what happened? How did you get to your 30's 40's 50's, whatever age, and realize that you were stuck, not moving forward in life with that quiet nagging feeling that something was missing, that indeed there must be more to life than this. How do so many relationships end up in this very place with the passion having drained away and the shell of what was once something so vibrant all that is left?
If I'm painting a bleak picture it's because the picture can be very bleak. I'm choosing my words very carefully in the preceding sentence, CAN be very bleak, because life doesn't have to be bleak and we have a choice every day to not choose being stuck, to choose to take responsibility for our live's and how we experience it.
So if you didn't consciously, actively choose to be stuck in your life how did you end up feeling this way? Good question!
From my experience with my clients (and myself!), the process of becoming stuck in life and with life is not an overnight process it is slow and insidious, it creeps up on you over the years until at some point there is a realization that this is not the life you had imagined for yourself. And herein lies one of the clues to being stuck. Very few of us in our teenage years and our early adulthood actually ever sat down and intentionally decided exactly what we wanted our life to look like, to be like, to feel like. We knew we wanted a good job, a partner, kids maybe, some travel and adventure but how many of us really spent time defining and getting clarity on what we wanted our life to be like and how to achieve that? For most of us we have taken what life has given us. Let me say that again, most of us have taken what life has given us . We have accepted our lot in life and gone along for the ride and the sad truth about that is, life will throw whatever it wants at you, and you get what you get UNLESS you stop CHOOSING to accept what life is giving you, what life has given you so far and CHOOSE a different way.
Not choosing is making a choice...
You see, by not choosing (designing) a life we desire we are in fact choosing the life we are experiencing now, by default. A life based on all the choices we have made up until this point in time, consciously or unconsciously, based on past experiences and conditioning and what life in general is sending our way. So not choosing is making a choice! Make sense? Tony Robbins says, "What you focus on is what you get to the exclusion of almost everything else", and there's 3 ways this can go; you can focus on nothing in particular, on your current situation, or the way you want things to be, and in each case that's what you will experience in your life. If you focus on nothing, you'll get nothing, if you focus just on your current situation, that's all you experience and if you focus on something better, how you want things to be, you will begin to experience life differently.
Choose life... I chose not to choose life...
There's a great opening monologue in the movie Trainspotting where Ewan McGregor's character paints a picture of Choosing Life as choosing a mundane, bland existence and in his characters words he chose not to chose life, he chose heroin (big mistake!!). However I believe that choosing Life should be a far more profound experience than what is portrayed in the movie, it should be choosing what gives you a feeling of aliveness, choosing joy, choosing happiness, growth, challenge, choosing all the things that will not allow you to become stuck in life, treading water, waiting for something better to come along. it is choosing to go after life, to actively engage in life, all of it, the good and bad times, and take personal responsibility for your own life, in short, choosing to create the life you desire!
If the only struggles you are facing in life are the ones life is throwing at you, you are not living an engaged, intentional life!
Brendon Burchard talks about living a caged, comfortable or Charged life. All three are a choice and all three are our own responsibility. All three come with their own challenges and outcomes but only one gives us a life free from feeling stuck, only one is a life of intention and design and only the Charged life can take us from the bland existence of the daily grind, groundhog day to, well quite frankly, a life of our own conscious choosing and design, and taking responsibility for that is crucial!
Jim Rohn said "Lifestyle is the art of discovering ways to live uniquely" and he also said, "If you don't design your own life plan chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan and guess what they have planned for you? Not much!"
Don't be the person who constantly bemoans their lot in life, if you don't like where you are (in life) then CHANGE IT one decision at a time, one day at a time. Take charge starting right now, commit to breaking free from being stuck where you don't belong and commit to intentionally designing a life you want to experience. Is it easy? Not always, but then is the life you have now easy?
If you or someone you know wants help with this I highly recommend you find a coach, counselor or therapist and if you're not ready for that, pick up some personal development books and start the journey towards a life free from feeling stuck!